Four Weddings and a Funeral

Four Weddings and a Funeral is a 1994 rom-com with Hugh Grant and Andie MacDowell. I’m going to say that I never saw the movie, but it’s possible I did and it was simply unremarkable. Or it’s possible that I don’t remember seeing it because it was thirty years ago. In any case, last week I saw the movie mentioned in something I read. I don’t remember where.

(As I’m writing this, the clock at the library is speeding up. Literally. The second hand seems to be moving at the correct speed, but the minute hand and hour hand are accelerating. It was 4:10 p.m. a few minutes ago. Now it’s 2:00 a.m. tomorrow, according to the clock. It’s weirdly emblematic of how my week is going.)

So, you might ask, why are you discussing a film that you never saw or that you saw but don’t remember? Well, first, I think the title tells me all I need to know. The assuredly predictable plot involves four hilarious weddings and a not-so-hilarious funeral. Hugh Grant’s character perhaps meets someone at wedding number one. Then, somehow, they both attend a subsequent wedding. There is drama and jealousy and lighthearted scenes, and at some point there is a “speak now or forever hold your peace” moment. And in the end, Hugh gets the girl. Or something like that. Weddings are known for being places where a new romance can blossom. Everyone is in a good mood. Everyone is dressed up. Everyone is drinking and dancing. The weather is often sunny with a chance of hookup. There is also someone attending the wedding who watches the love of their life marry someone else.

I remember going to weddings when I was in my twenties and thirties. It was fun.

Nowadays, though, I’m more likely to attend four funerals and a wedding.

In fact, over the past few months I have seen four death notices posted on Facebook—all of them for grade school and high school classmates of mine.

I attended a funeral for a grade school classmate two months ago. He was a grade or two behind me, so I didn’t know him well, but I knew his older sisters and brothers and their mom and dad. I cared deeply for this family when I was a kid. And for that reason, I attended the visitation and service.

Many classmates attended. There were men and women in attendance whom I had not seen since 1976. Think about that. I was mingling with and chatting with sixty-one-year-olds whom I had not seen since we were fourteen. It was surreal.

Every time I see my doctor, he says, “Have you completed a living will?” And I say, “No. I feel fine. And I’m kinda busy.” I suppose I really don’t want to think about it. But I need to think about it. There are issues that I need to address so that my family doesn’t have to.

Today I was distracted, thinking about deadlines, money, and grievances. Joy approached me, looked up, and said, “I love you.” I didn’t even hear her. Deb said, “Mike, did you not hear her? She said ‘I love you.’”

I said, “Oh no. I’m sorry, baby.” I picked her up and held her, and she gave me great big hugs and kisses. I needed to be present in the moment, and I failed. I’m often worrying about something or thinking about something that happened hours ago. But when I hold Joy, those thoughts disappear. Clearly, I need to hold Joy all day long.

The Stoics say, “Live each day as if it were your last.” I think it’s wise advice, even if I live many more years. Pretending I will die today will make me a better person.

I have five daughters, all of whom are unmarried. So I am hopeful I will attend at least four weddings. And I hope not to attend so many funerals next year (or be the guest of honor at one).