First, full disclosure: I am not a car mechanic. I almost never open the hood of my car. I know the difference between the front of the car and the back of the car. I know how to add gas and change the oil. If I have a slow leak in a tire, I often add some Fix-A-Flat (which apparently is not good for the tire pressure sensors). But when I do have a flat tire, I can put on the spare within six minutes.
My dad taught me how to change a tire when I was fifteen. And I have used this skill dozens of times, usually for a neighbor or friend. Because I’ve known how to change a tire since I was a kid, it always surprises me when people say they have no idea how to change a tire. “I need to call AAA,” they typically say.
One neighbor came to my door recently and asked me if I would drive her to Auto Zone to get some Fix-A-Flat. When I asked about the spare tire, she told me that she didn’t have a spare. I said, “Did you check your spare tire well?”
“What?” she said.
“Let’s open the trunk,” I said. And the spare tire was there, under the carpeting, along with all the necessary tools.
“Oh my god,” she said. “I’ve got a spare!”
Two weeks ago, I changed a tire for my mother-in-law. She had been three blocks away from our house when it went flat. She didn’t want to bother me but didn’t know what else to do.
I said, “Betsy, put on the emergency brake, and I will put on the spare in five minutes. Easy peasy.”
It was easy. Loosen lug nuts. Raise tire off the ground. Flat tire off. I then put on the compact spare and added the lug nuts. I lowered the car to the ground before tightening the lug nuts all the way. I put all my weight on the tire iron wrench for each nut. Then I stood on the wrench to make sure they were tight.
Deb said, “Why are you tightening them so much?”
I said, “Peggy will never speak to me again if this wheel falls off.”
“What about me? Aren’t you afraid I would never speak to you again?”
“Well,” I said, “I think you, like, legally have to speak to me. And you are the one telling me not to tighten them so much. So when the wheel flies off, she’s also not speaking to you.”
Betsy soon drove off safely and got a set of new tires a few days later.
There are so many hazards on the road—potholes, crazy and inattentive drivers, construction, lack of signs (or too many signs), and golf carts on the road being driven by kids. I worry about Deb and Joy every day. Deb is very much a soccer mom. Except it’s not soccer, it’s volleyball, tennis, track and field, high school stuff, the gym, the mall, Cane’s Chicken, Sports Park, Forest Park, orthodontist, nail salon, and a dozen other places.
We have good cars, good tires, and newer car seats, but we are never 100% safe.
My biggest rule at our house is: Exterior doors must be closed at all times. Once Joy is outside, she can and will run to the street in less than five seconds. Front door to street is 33 feet. Fortunately, we are not on a busy street anymore. When we lived on Big Bend, the only time you could safely cross the street was from 3 a.m. to 4 a.m. Now, at the new house, my guess is that during the day a car passes by about once every two minutes.
So…
Tighten lug nuts = Booshie is safe = Peggy will speak to you.
Keep doors closed = Joy is safe = Mike will not kick your ass.
Joy Elizabeth 